Thursday, January 7, 2010

Hey Hey Freedom: Battery Head

Dear Customer #403-66-3229,

You can tell the lonely people on the beach because they all have that little oval of sunburn on their backs that has the smeary edges where they couldn’t quite reach and had no one to ask to help them out of their situation so they reach and pull and hug themselves trying to reach that spot and it’s a classic symbol of human’s need for others a.k.a. the spot you can’t scratch and your brain is a goddamn battery that conducts and CREATES energy, at least I think it does, (I couldn’t tell you where I heard/read/overheard that information but it sounds right and I WANT it to be true), so you know you cant be completely useless and just because you didn’t get a chance to pass on your genes or spread your seed doesn’t mean it wasn’t fun spilling a little on your leg and you’re strong, (or at least you used to be), or at least you ooze, effervesce, and exude a “feeling” of strength and confidence, and that’s the kind of stuff that inspires people and its nice to think of all the people you might have inspired with your fake and phony confidence and happiness (“confi-piness”) about life and think of all the things you made and how much you contributed to the people around you and even if no one really liked you, you sure took up space on the couch, used up a social security number, consumed products, operated an automobile and sl;asd;ns ojn;r wnjoi;f ;sdf lnjweor jno’sdf ooshnsfolndf;l’dfgn’ooadfaagn’okldfagsdfnljsndlnsdlf nskl/f’n sknsdfk nslkfn slf nslkf nsklf/ nsfkl nsf klns klsnf klsdn klsn ksn snsdnsksklngnjlvnlsnlssskfncn xcvnbn df nv njlvdnefn…..

Your failure is ours too.
We are no longer marketing this product for consumption in your area.
Please accept our sincerest apologies and deepest regret.

Sincerely Yours,
The Employees and Creators of Full Throttle Energy Beverages

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