Friday, January 8, 2010

Hey Hey Freedom: Beer Head


As beer after beer was combined with the rest of my body, I started to feel trapped, as if I were wearing a big, spongy, but soaked, suit of armor. I felt like a smaller little gentleman trapped in a body that was much too big. Observing myself in slow motion, I was able to pick out the mistakes I was going to make before I made them, yet with my reaction time just as slow, I had to watch the accidents happen and digest the reactions of all the rest of the people who happened to be operating at normal speed. I could hear their remarks and asides with crystal clear accuracy, but there were so many I couldn’t respond to all of them, and if I did, I would be attempting to dig myself out of the Hole of Heels and Clods.
What if I would have decided to eat peppermint candies all night instead of all those delicious imported beers of beautiful color, aroma, viscosity, subtle texture, and torso-warming gifts of good humor?
What would have happened then?
I suppose I would have walked around this Christmas party relaying awkward and amusing stories emotionally, clearly, and with a subtle subtext that would convey my attitude towards the events and characters in the story as well as delivering to the theoretical audience a forecast of the climate of my general mental environment.
That and I wouldn’t have broken my wrist wrestling the air hockey table.

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