Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Hey Hey Freedom: Bum Face


I wonder where Kenny got those shoes? They weren’t quite Nike and not Converse. They weren’t the kind with the little dumbass lights on the heel, that’s for sure. He’s not the type of guy that buys generic shit.
Why didn’t I just ask him about his shoes?
The heat of the bath feels good on my aching back. We were on the court for only a couple hours but it feels like my body went through boot camp or some shit.
I’m scanning the top surface of the water identifying the shapes that the soapy bubbles seem to make. That one looks like the Reds symbol. That one is Washington’s profile. That one is a Subway sandwich or a cricket bat.
I pass over a semi-Garfield-type shape because his forehead is pierced by the head of my penis that is floating on the surface of the bubbles.
I keep going…rhino, Japanese flag, high-top, the letter K, Saturn, monkey with a fucked up tongue, pair of dice…..
I glance back at where the head of my penis was floating and instead of my penis I see a tiny little face. It looked like the face of a little homeless bum with a ratty beard and mustache both soaked in bath water.
Normally in a situation like this, I have the reflexes of a fucking catapult, but for some reason, I froze. I glanced away hoping the little face would be gone and be replaced with the circumcised island of my penis tip.
I glanced back and the little guy had his eyes closed too, maybe hoping that when he opening his little eyes, I would be gone.
I slammed my eyes shut. What the fuck was he doing down there? What’s he doing so close to my dick? I can feel his little fist in my navel. I think he is using it to hold on…..
With the reflexes of a fucking catapult, I grab the little guy and throw him behind my head, toward the wall.
I check myself. All intact.
I get out of the tub, dry my braids, and slap on my favorite head wrap.
I look around for the little homeless guy, feeling a little bad, like I overreacted a little. That’s when I realize that I never heard him hit the wall.

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