Thursday, January 7, 2010

Hey Hey Freedom: Hive-Handed


A smell so bad it could make you blind? I don’t think so.
I think one of the worst smells in the world is that of a lot of used saliva.
All saliva is consistently being used and reused. There is never a time that saliva is “new.” Or if there is, it is only very, very brief, until it is united with the rest of its community of brothers and sisters all offering Slippery Solutions.
What I mean by “used” is saliva that I imagine to have bits and debris from the food it was breaking down and lubricating in its trip down the Neck Tube to the Big Central Food Pouch.
I had that hideous smell on my right hand as I walk around downtown Salt Lake City. I kept putting my hand in my mouth and soaking it with my spit because of the burn.
Well, I’m an idiot. I had to burn my hand in the oil lamp last night because I lost a bet. Shane fit two Susie B’s in his nose.
Q: Who carries around two Susie’s B’s anyhow?
A: Guys named Shane who win bets.
I’m walking around downtown Salt Lake City with a horrible burn on my right hand.
All the signs in downtown Salt Lake City have little beehives on them. I wonder where that comes from.
Why is no one around?
The Salt Palace salutes an empty block and I jam my hand in my mouth. I ease my hand into a puffy winter glove for protection and try to avoid the horrible spit smell entering my nose.
When I gagged, I remember feeling it in my eyes as if they had popped.

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