Thursday, January 7, 2010

Hey Hey Freedom: Mike Rose

Why was he so nice? He has no reason to be so nice to me.
Other questions I would have liked to ask:

1. How does a man with so much facial hair (even bushy eyebrows)
pull off cavorting around like such a lady? How does he pull off a woman’s golden blouse with that thick tire belly?

2. How does a man live on only M&Ms and red wine? I’ve never
seen him consume anything else. Chocolate and wine stains on
teeth and mouth, but somehow he still looks dapper!

3. How and why does he keep those hideous and dagger-length
fingernails? I can only imagine the texture from the other side of these bars but they look to have a tie-dyed pattern of tobacco stains and cuticles that splinter out tiny teeth of hangnails… But somehow he pulls it off.

4. How does he have the greatest taste in clothes? He got back into
tight-rolling his jeans way before everyone else did. He had an ironic mustache and sported an over-sized neon tee shirt in like the mid-nineties, ten years before even the first coastal-based hipster started doing it. Today he’s wearing those raver parachute pants with a 60-inch circumference. You can bet your ass that in ten years those pants are going to be the chosen costume for everyone’s legs. Keep on eye out.

5. Why does he get to be so handsome? Why did I get this stupid face of mine stuck on me and he gets the hood ornament of a distinguished, intelligent, and glowing temple that smells sweet and winks like the Tit of Danger spouting the Milk of Musky Allure..

He is perfect. I cant wait to see what happens to him.

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