Thursday, January 7, 2010

Hey Hey Freedom: Night Spots


Varicella Zoster Virus (VZV). I was twelve or thirteen. I remember waking up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, This was really weird for me. Most of the time, I would just wet the bed. I slept too soundly. That’s what all the different doctors told me when I was around twelve for thirteen. They would say, “You sleep too soundly.” I remember wearing moisture-sensitive underwear that would send a signal to an alarm to wake me up if I started to piss to bed. There were also a couple different kinds of pills and an experimental nasal spray that they prescribed for me to fix the problem, They didn’t work either. The whole problem went away all by itself several years later, when I was fifteen.
Anyways, I was abnormally up in the middle of the night to piss. I think I had a fever. I remember my legs felt hot.
I went pee. I remember having like three streams that came out. Each a slightly different width and pointed at a slightly different angle. I think that I was tired, confused, and disoriented enough to just pick the widest streams, and attempt to get the majority of the pee in the bowl of the toilet. I didn’t do this very often. A beginner at best.
I raked my fingernails over my thighs because they itched like hell. It felt painful to scratch them. That was when I finally looked down.
Image you were to lie naked on the floor. Then you instructed a friend to dump wet Red Hots (the candy) all over your stomach, crotch, and thighs. If you then stood up, letting the extra Red Hots fall off, and glanced down the foreshortened view that one has of their body when a mirror is not present, that was the scene when I looked down.
I didn’t know what to do. I think I thought that the Red Hots WERE actually Red Hots and I got in the shower and tried to wash them off.
I went back to bed.
I remember having a bad dream about this super tall kid from school. His hands were made of molten metal. He kept chasing me around and when he caught me he slapped my thighs with his huge hot hands. I didn’t really cuss yet, not even in my dreams, so I would say things like “Don’t” and “Quit it!” instead of more contemporary terms I would discover later, like “Fuck off, Pig Fucker!” or “Eat my Shit, Ass Hound!”
Those were the days. I woke up in the morning, didn’t have to go to school, and instead, watched TV and shot some hoops in the driveway. I think we might have even gone to McDonald’s that night. 20-piece Chicken McNuggets and the chicken pox. Life is pretty cool sometimes.

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